With the holidays fast approaching, our schedules are getting full, we're stressing about what to buy for whom, and chaos seems to rule. The season can be a magical one for our children, filled with happy memories, or it can be one filled with feelings of emptiness as the adults in their life are 'too busy' to pay them much attention.
It's up to us as parents to make sure that our children don't get 'lost' in the whirlwind of holiday activities—being swept along on trips and through malls, without any warmth, closeness, or meaning that they can relate to. Here are eight things you can do to help get through the holidays with your relationship with your child—as well as your sanity—intact:
1. If you'll be traveling over the river and through the woods this holiday with small children, being prepared is your best defense against having a chaotic trip that you vow never to make again. Each child should have their own bag (tote bags are best) or box (a plastic one with a snap-on lid is great). Allow them to put their favorite books inside, then add paper, crayons, pipe cleaners, a sticker book, crossword or word search puzzle books, and any other small artsy items your children would enjoy. A clipboard is a great way to give them the nice, hard surface they'll need for drawing, and it can keep the papers in order as well. Buy a ream of multi-purpose paper from an office supply store and you're guaranteed not to run out, and it will be a lot cheaper than buying those little pads at WalMart. Crayons do best in a Ziploc bag since the boxes they come in usually only last to the city limits before they get torn apart. If your kids are particularly fussy, you might want to create a schedule and distribute these items on an hourly basis so they have new activities to look forward to.
2. While traveling, especially in the car, it can be very tempting to load the kids up with toys, books, movies, and video games to keep them quiet and occupied all day. But if yours is like most families, with two working parents and kids at school all day, the time spent in the car can be precious family time. Use at least some of it to get reacquainted with each other. Talk about what's going on in everyone's lives, what they're looking forward to, their dreams, their friends, their interests. You may discover something you never knew before! And the more you know about each other, the closer you'll be and the better you can help your children through this struggle called childhood.
3. Consider not having a 'traditional' Thanksgiving meal this year, with its huge and unending portions and the stress of getting everything on the table at the 'right' time. Spend the day instead at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen serving families, and children, who don't have the option of a huge spread of delectables this year. Children are naturals at wanting to serve others, and seeing children their own ages living a life very different than their own can be an eye- and heart-opening experience they will always remember. Then go 'low key' with turkey sandwiches, fun finger foods, and maybe a special punch on Friday or even Saturday at home by the fire.
4. If yours is the house where everyone will be congregating this year, don't stress yourself out by trying to do everything yourself and everything 'perfectly.' This is where children feel the most left out during the holidays. It may take a little more time to sit down with your kids and ask for their input on the menu and decorations for the house, but they'll love feeling like they played a part in making it special for everyone. Put a few non-traditional foods on the menu so they feel that the meal is for them, too, and not completely geared toward adult tastes. Have them make placecards to put on the table. Let them choose the music (from a pre-censored list you make up). Station the children at the front door to greet your guests and take their coats. Have a few topics of conversation ready to bring up at the table that specifically include the children, so the adults don't monopolize the airtime. The more involved they are and the more personally they get to interact with the guests, the more enjoyable and memorable the day will be for the younger crowd.
5. Instead of racing all over town, or even all over the Internet, looking for that 'perfect' something to give the people on your list, try something even more personal, more meaningful, and more fun: either buy or, better yet make, a beautiful card, perhaps with a photo of you and the recipient having a great time together (the older the better!) and write inside an offer to do something with or for them. For grandparents, promising a delivered, home-cooked meal and a night of watching home movies together could be much more thrilling than opening a box with yet another coffee mug warmer. For shut-ins on your list, your children or you entire family could promise an afternoon of reading to them or even putting on a little song-and-dance performance right in their room. Other ideas for friends or relatives could be to: clean out their garage for them; cook some casseroles to stash in their freezer for a busy week coming up; babysit their children or take their children for a weekend so young parents can put a little romance back in their marriage…the list could go on and on. To some this may sound like a 'cop out', but to the recipients it could very likely be the most meaningful, personal, and loving gift they've ever gotten.
6. Take some time during the winter break from school to reconnect with your children. Schedule at least one night—maybe an entire day—to spend just hanging out at the house, picking on finger foods, listening to music, and talking. Talk about anything that interests them: a book they read, how much they think they 'hate' science class, hobbies or sports they enjoy, their friends and extracurricular activities. Really talk about them—don't just mention them or let the kids off with a mumbled 'yeah, it's OK' type of response. Set the casual atmosphere with music and food so the time is relaxing, not structured or formal. Sit on the floor in front of a fire. Have hot chocolate. If they're hesitant to open up to you, open up to them. Talk about what you liked, or 'hated', when you were their age. Once they realize that you used to be a kid, too, it may help them 'relate' and get the ball rolling for a closer relationship.
7. If you've never done it before, taking time to sit down and talk about everyone's hopes and plans for the coming year can be a valuable, if not eye-opening, exercise for the family. It may take more than one session to brainstorm things each person wants to accomplish and figuring out what needs to be done, scheduled, acquired, or happen to meet that goal. Conflicting goals can be worked out ahead of time in a calm and practical way, rather than letting chaos and bickering ensue when schedules collide later. And, as the experts say, the vast majority of people who have written their goals down actually achieve them. This exercise can help your family negotiate the coming year with a well-guided purpose, and be a very valuable skill and habit to instill in your children as well.
8. You may not feel like an award-winning parent, but you have figured out a lot of neat 'tricks of the trade' that have helped in sticky situations or solved an everyday problem you faced in your family. Don't keep all your valuable 'nuggets' of parental gold to yourself—in the spirit of giving, share your success with other parents. One way to do that is by visiting www.SmartestThing.com and submitting your success story or advice to be used in a new book titled "The Smartest Thing I Ever Did™…as a Parent" which will be published next year. Not only will you help other parents who have found themselves in the same situations, but you'll receive recognition with a byline and bio (and if you own a business, you can pick up some free national exposure by including your web address). "Give and you shall receive!" What could be better?
Kathryn Marion is the creator of the new book series due out in 2007 called The Smartest Thing I Ever Did…™ She is seeking contributions of success stories and advice for the first six titles: …as a Parent, …for My Marriage, …for My Career, …with My Money, …for Myself, and …for My Business. Visit www.SmartestThing.com for complete details and to make contributions online. All contributions published will include a byline and author bio (which may include a website and/or email address, giving contributors valuable national exposure). She is also the author of Success in the 'Real World', a book dedicated to helping new graduates succeed in their new life in the 'real world' of work and independent living, which was distributed to almost 1.7 million students last year (available by visiting www.EducationForReality.com).
[tags]parent,parents,children,kids,holidays,christmas,thanksgiving,travel,gifts,gift-giving,relationship[/tags]